I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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