dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
