I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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