Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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