I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
from now on my penis is your penis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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