I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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