I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
