Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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