Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
