you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
