I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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