should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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