Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
