Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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