she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
