Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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