I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize