I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
