Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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