Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
