ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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