apparently the secret to your success is patron
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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