I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
