If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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