i jhust puked up my retainher.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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