the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
