My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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