YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
