He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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