so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my shit smells like andre
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
