i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
