so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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