There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
