is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
