I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
