i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
