She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
