Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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