This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She bit a glass in half.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
