you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
