Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
