he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
