omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
