I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize