remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
