hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
