We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The air was thick with penises
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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