He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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