i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
