we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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