Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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