I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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