capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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