i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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