You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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