how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
