Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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