i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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