tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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